Letting go over coffee

¡Versión en español, aquí!

“I feel alone,” he said, a friend of mine who’s an amazing writer and artist on a partly cloudy day. We were having coffee, getting back in touch after a long time not seeing each other. “Is the lack of support of those around me,” he added sipping his coffee.

I smile, “I understand, I know.”

“Do they support you?,” he asked.

“In their own way, and I’ve learned to accept that.”

“I feel like I need their support and their approval. They love me, I love them, I support them.”

“Let go,” I answered. His face expression changed. “It’s hard. Is a process, a slow process that requires a lot from you; but, when you manage to let go, you’re at peace. That’s where you want to be.”

As writers this happens a lot, when we find ourselves on a crossroads, passing judgment on those around us. We think that because we support them in their goals, dreams… they have to do the same. “…do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great…” (Luke 6: 35).

LET GO! You don’t need their approval or support. If they decide not to share your journey, is their choice as is yours to go through that journey. Sincerely, you lose nothing, you lose it only if you care and give importance to it. For example, friends or love ones that are very close to you and don’t take the time to read your writing, or say yes and then keep telling you “I’m not yet finish, I haven’t found the time,” before even ask or think of doing so and it’s been two months since you share your work with them. It has happened to others and me and it will still happen. Think about it, their priorities, their way and view of life is very different from yours. Even your goals are different.

Is a slow process and it’ll take time for your brain to accept that truth, but is achievable. Embrace it and keep reminding yourself of your goals as a writer and as a family member.

My friend, after our talk and a walk around Old San Juan, was contempt and decided to let go. I sometimes struggle with it, for remission comes to torment the soul. I have my techniques to deal with letting go, whether be writing it on a journal or praying. The important thing is to LET GO so the writing process flows and your inner critics are silent and your relationships don’t get affected. Especially with those very close to you who are the ones that matter the most and give meaning to your life.

Be kind to yourself, dance every day, give thanks for one more day to create and write, and be tough with your writer self whenever you need to keep going. Always maintain a routine in writing and in everyday life to achieve your writing goals and those expectations you have in life.

Keep writing and thanks for reading!


Encarar mis miedos

Las resoluciones se crean como un bosquejo a seguir de los sucesos a proceder en un futuro incierto, inexistente e imaginario. Muchas llegan a concretarse, a transcender al realismo desde la imaginación donde fueron creadas; pero otras no se materializaron o no llegan a ese punto final para la conversión. De seguir los procesos, o establecer las fórmulas, para la realización de uno o mas de los objetivos, desatamos reacciones en cadena que afectarán nuestra vida y la de aquellos a nuestro alrededor- de forma positiva y/o negativa- y nos harán cambiar. Esos cambios, deseados o no, aunque la creación de la lista mundialmente famosa de las resoluciones es la obtención de cambios personales que nos lleve a un crecimiento que no solo está limitado al personal también al espiritual, son necesarios para que nuestra vida no transcurra de forma lineal. Necesitamos el crecimiento y que por lo menos hallan, como en las novelas de nuestros libros favoritos, ese caminar al punto culminante varias veces en el transcurrir del año.

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Encarar mis miedos está en el noveno lugar de una lista de trece objetivos, algunos de ellos de corto plazo, otros de largo y algunos que no trascenderán al plano realista. Por supuesto, hay que tener todo tipo de categorías para que ésta no se quede plasmada en la obscura existencia de un papel engabetado. A base de ésta resolución, enfrento la extracción de mis cordales, no sé explicar el porqué el temor que para muchos es una cuestión tonta y sencilla, pero mi mente la registra de otra manera y las reacciones químicas de mi cuerpo afectan mis nervios.

Encarar mis miedo al rechazo. Uno muy común entre la raza humana. Es una de no aceptación o no admisión a algo o a alguien, que muchas veces lleva a sentimientos no deseados e inhumanos. Una palabra que es sinónimo de repudio . Mas no es ese rechazo el que me llevó a incluirla como sub-resolución de es novena. Es ese rechazo que experimentan esos humanos conocidos como creadores de historias, los escritores. No he dado un rechazo al miedo, lo llevo como compañero; al fin y al cabo, muchas veces, son las cosas que dan miedo las que debemos encarar y realizar, mas cuando se tiene progenie.

He recibido mi primer rechazo para “Ascensión Divina”. La frustración y la desesperación no me invadieron, tan solo la alegría plasmada en una sonrisa. Una confirmación de que voy por el camino correcto. La lista de rechazos siempre es larga comparada con esa de las aceptaciones. Se logran los objetivos, solo hay que tener paciencia y encarar los miedos. De eso en particular consiste el proceso para poder dejar que la paz y la felicidad por lo que se hace en la y por esa vida, sea fructífera aunque solo se realice una sola resolución.

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Transformación de experiencias pasadas

La primera vez que vi su pálida belleza, tenía la edad de mi hija, doce. Fue en las navidades de 1989 en Boston, y, al igual que en ésta ocasión, visitaba familiares. La noche que nos dió la bienvenida a Connecticut, no era tan fría como aquella de veinticuatro años atrás. En ese recuerdo, su helado toque sobre la piel desnuda de mis juveniles manos  cortaba como filo de navaja, y fue entonces, que el desagrado por el frío nació en mí.

Era un tiempo diferente, una ciudad diferente, al igual que esos que me acompañaban. Cuando la noche me tocó con su frialdad al salir del aeropuerto  de Connecticut estas pasadas navidades, estaba preparada, pero no era mi estado el que me preocupaba sino el de mis hijos, que sonrieron exaltados y llenos de curiosidad, deleitados de ver rastros de lo que días atrás fue una blanca nieve. Yo, respiré profundamente, el aire frío llenó mis pulmones y el desagrado desvaneció. Con él marqué el principio de nuevas transformaciones en mi vida. Solo quedaba disfrutar de la primera experiencia invernal de mi descendencia y empaparme de recuerdos para una eternidad.

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Sueños al azar

Lotería Nacional, España, 14-08-2004

Lotería Nacional, España, 14-08-2004 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

La ilusión

“Cuando me pegue, me compraré…,” con ojos llenitos de ilusión, enumeró afanadamente los anhelos materiales con los que llenaría su vida. Le seguían los viajes turísticos, esos que ha hecho miles de veces en su mente, que revive al mirar las fotos y leer los artículos en las revistas de viaje. El cotejo del billete con los números ganadores le hace exclamar, “¡No me pegué! Será pa’la próxima.” Sus ojos aún guardan un diminuto destello de ilusión.

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El premio

Lotería, la grande,

pa’salir del hoyo.

Esperanza numérica.

Cotejo. Un rostro sombrío,

manos frías, un suspiro.

El filo corta y la esencia

de la vida fluye.

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Desesperanza

“Juega la loto.” La frase como navaja de doble filo asesinó la esperanza anidada en su corazón. El deseo de una futura vivencia de un sueño trazado, donde la sonrisa juvenil de su progenie venía envuelta en exaltación.

¡Le enseñaré el mundo! Letra a letra se desvaneció la frase de orgullo maternal y despertó el oscuro sentimiento al lado del fraternal.


“Cueva Ventana” and its rewards

We made it to a known town of my youth, Arecibo. It’s pavement road roaring by the touch of the fast pace car’s wheels. It has always roared. The undulated green silhouette of the mountain range, defined the horizon under a sky of pale blue and fluffy grayish cumulus. It might rain. Chimneys tall and thin remain of a past not forgotten of sugar canes

Untamed grass lands thrive alongside the road that leads straight to the mountains. As we ascend we are greeted by droplets of rain that rapidly disappear from the windshield. In the back seat my daughter stares through the window, while my son asks “Have we made it to the mountain?” I smile, he still thinks we are going to “una montaña rusa” confused by the term “montaña”, hopefully he won’t be disappointed.  “Almost there,” I answer.

To our surprise the place is packed of people wishing to have the same adventure. We’re not alone. A Texaco station surrounded by dozens of cars and motorcycles serves as a stop for the adventures. There a wooden lounge stands near the entrance marked by a brown sign with caption white letters, which reads Cueva Ventana. A round of Medallas (Puerto Rican beer) calms the thirst of my companions and then, we are off.

Our steps followed the ones left behind and now invisible on the smooth pale rocky path that stretched alongside bushes, tall grasses and a canopy of trees that shades us from the sun. We walked exchanging jokes of how exhausted we might get or if we would need assistance after the hike, because of our lack of exercise in our lives. But, to say the truth the road was not difficult, instead it was pleasant, especially with company and the felt embrace of nature all around us.

The first cave was at our left marked by a sign, “Ruta”. We were tempted to go in, but looked steep and with a five year old, who was wishing to go in, that could be more than an adventure. So, on we went up the hill to find production workers from the movie “Runner, Runner” changing with their equipment the natural surroundings that we should have encountered and were dying to experience. Instead of bird chirping and the sounds of bats and the breeze and the conversations of excitement of multitude of visitors, the strong noise of an electric plant powering the lights placed on the interior of the cave was deafening.

The waiting took a couple of minutes to start descending the man made steps, just a few the caves greets you with her own rocky ones. Thankfully for us parents, ropes meant for the cast of the movie were placed near the steps and were a big help as we entered hand in hand with our children the mouth of “Cueva Ventana”.

Inside, there was no need of flashlights for the artificial lights placed lighted the way, on a normal day you would and in some parts, me and my daughter explored, were needed. The winding and short entrance path takes you to the first chamber. A dome like with dozen of holes serving as niches for the bats that slept close together, probably desiring to be left alone. A narrow corridor lighted at its end by natural light takes you straight to the chamber of the window that gives the cave’s name. You don’t see anything else, not even the people standing in awe in front of it, but the grand opening that gives you a gorgeous glimpse of the panoramic view of the land at its feet stretching as far as the eye can see. A wonder of Puerto Rico!

I look at my daughter as she was admiring with amazement, “Mom, this is awesome!” I smile, “It is,” and hold her hand tight as we walk closer, with care, towards the window. There were others braver than me, for I’m scare of highs, going down to get near the opening. I snap pictures on my camera and my phone, when I notice the picture taken of those in front, all taking pictures at the same time on their phones.

A stone face, if you use your imagination, stares at the horizons from the right corner of the window opening of the cave as a silent guardian. Soft rain starts to fall outside making the view even more beautiful. A calm river runs through the grassy green land below, serving as a mirror for the mountain. It is a scenery regal and grand deserving of a fantastical tale.

We part to take on the other cave that’s beside “Cueva Ventana”, which you must go down and out of it by way of rope, so my husband and son stay behind to meet us at the other side of the cave. The floor was more slippery than the other and in complete darkness. A tree root stretch its way down the cave’s floor as stating his domain. The second cave was just a huge chamber that we explore for a few minutes and came out of it climbing the rocks and holding the hands of our companions that helped us up.

The road waited for us as traffic of visitors made their way up the hill. Back at the gas station, we said our goodbyes to our companions and headed to Tonny’s Pizza World in town, which serves an amazing pizza, to finish our day and browse the pictures we took- and, of course, upload some to our social networks- but most importantly, to talk with our children of their experience.  Their smiles are our rewards and my son was not dissapointed.

More photos:

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Alexandra